Stored procedures. I love to hate them.

Why should it be so damn involved?

declare done int default 0;
declare continue handler for not found 
    set done = 1;            
open carrots;
repeat
    fetch carrots into weight, location;
    do_something(weight, location);
until done end repeat;
close carrots;

Instead of something like:

for weight, location in carrots do
    do_something(weight, location)

SQL match functional approach so nicely but storead procedures are horrible procedural mess. And it feels like programming in fortran or assembly.